The Value of Inner Beauty

I read the following statistic in a Dove magazine advertisement, “6 in 10 girls stop doing what they love because of anxiety about their looks”.  How sad is that?  To think that girls give up the activities they enjoy, that have nothing to do with looks, because they are insecure about what they perceive as beautiful.   We can’t deny that it is a tough world out there when it comes to physical appearance.  The media focuses on having the ideal figure, the perfect hair, the whitest smile, and flawless skin. But in reality, the real beauty of a person goes far beyond just physical appearances.  Without inner beauty it doesn’t have much value.   Inner beauty is about traits that make you who you are…your personality and your character.   Inner beauty is about challenging yourself and doing what you love regardless of what you look like. 

We live in an image-focused society where children, especially girls, are aware of what is considered attractive as early as nursery school.  It is not uncommon to hear young girls to say that they like a certain teacher or celebrity because they are beautiful.  And insecurities about their own appearance begin just as early, with negative comments that they are too fat, or have bad hair, or too many freckles or just aren’t pretty enough.  Even if outward appearances are not focused on at home, young girls are not immune to the conversations and critiques that take place outside the home. 

So what can we do to build girl’s self-esteem and give them the confidence to do what they love and celebrate who they are?  The Dove “Girls Unstoppable” project is a great example of teaching self-esteem and celebrating real beauty.  But we too can do our part by stopping our own negative self-talk about our bodies and physical appearance.  Children listen to what we are saying, so we need to end the self-criticism and talk less about what we look like and more about our good qualities.  We need to speak about our accomplishments at work, the neighbor we helped out, the committee we offered our time to, as well as other people we value for the good they are doing.  Girls need to know they are valued for attributes beyond physical beauty.  Let your daughter know you admire her sense of adventure, her compassion, her intelligence, her sense of humor…. Inner qualities she can be proud of and qualities that will inspire her to challenge herself and put herself out there in the world. 

When I think of the women I admire the most, it has nothing to do with their physical appearance.  It has everything to do with their intelligence, humor, compassion, trustworthiness, and inner confidence that shines through.  I admire their abilities to work to their full potential, volunteer their time,  stand in the front row of a dance class regardless of their weight,  use their sense of humor, and to build people up when they are down.  I admire their character, their confidence, and their ability to see themselves for more than just what the mirror reflects back. 

It would be amazing if all young people faced each day feeling beautiful for the goals they have set, the challenges they take on, and the confidence they radiate when enjoying their life and all they have to offer from the inside.  I’d really like for that “6 in 10” statistics to change, and see more young women getting involved in the things that excite them and make them feel happy. 

“Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical”.  Sophia Loren.

Protecting our Children

I was watching my son’s baseball game this past weekend, and overheard the banter that was taking place in the dugout.  While most kids were talking about the game, or getting ready for their turn at bat, there was one boy who was teasing another saying how he wasn’t a good player in the field or at bat. The boy being teased did not defend himself, but instead became quiet and a bit withdrawn.  Not wanting this to escalate, and having very little tolerance for teasing or bullying, I made sure the coaches were aware of what was going on so that the teasing would stop and the boy being teased would be able to focus on playing the game.  I realize that adults cannot step in every time there is a situation of unkind behavior, but we can teach children to protect themselves from becoming victim to ongoing teasing and bullying.  Children that stand up for themselves and do not tolerate unkind behavior, also feel empowered to stand up for others. 

Bullying is certainly not a new dilemma in today’s society, but thankfully our awareness and understanding of the toll it takes on young people has grown tremendously.  A no-bullying tolerance in schools, camps, and all places youth are being served has become the norm.  There are numerous campaigns, like the Cartoon Networks “Stop Bullying, Speak Up” and the National Crime Prevention Associations McGruff the crime dog, who teaches kids to “Stop, Talk and Walk”.  The message is that kids need to stop listening to the bullies, use their voices to tell them to stop, and then walk away, all leading to greater self-respect.  McGruff also advocates being a friend to the person being bullied so they are not alone.

Here are some other helpful tools to empower kids and end bullying behaviors:

Teach children to be assertive.  Kids who seem insecure and lack confidence are often the target of bullying.  Teach children to stand up for themselves verbally, not violently.  Teach children to use a strong voice and tell the aggressor to stop.

Ask for help if needed.  Kids need to be reassured that it is okay to seek help from an adult if they feel frightened of the situation.  It’s okay to take action in a safe way.

Build empathy in your kids.  Teach them to relate to others and raise awareness of being in others people’s shoes.

Help them develop social skills.  Kids who don’t have friends or who always seem to be alone are usually the ones being picked on.  Help them to develop a strong circle of friends they can depend on. 

Be a good example.  Model respectful relationships and treat others fairly.  If you witness someone being bullied or hurt, help out. 

Remain calm.  Though it may be difficult to remain unemotional when insults come our way, teach children to assert themselves as calmly as possible.  Bullies are usually looking to upset their victims, and may stop if they are not getting a reaction. 

If during the next baseball game, the bully in the dugout continues to insult his teammate, I hope the boy being teased can look the bully in the eye, tell him to stop talking to him like that, and go sit with some other teammates. 

Camp and Emotional Intelligence

Now that school is in full swing, so are the academic demands of class work, homework, quizzes, tests, reports, and presentations. Participating in class and hitting the books definitely gives students an edge when it comes to academic success, but success in school, and in life, involves so much more than studying alone.  The ability to succeed also involves the ability to manage our emotions. And how we deal with our emotions in any area of our life can directly reflect on our work, and our overall success.  Marc Bracket, senior research scientist in psychology at Yale University, notes that “emotions can either enhance or hinder your ability to learn”  That may be why so many schools are developing programs in raising students Emotional Intelligence.

Emotional Intelligence is the ability to understand, use and manage our emotions.  It’s our level of ability of self-awareness, self-management, motivation, empathy and social skills.  Many experts believe that a person’s emotional intelligence (EI) quotient may be more important than their IQ and is certainly a better predictor or success, quality of relationships and overall happiness.  Teaching Emotional Intelligence in schools, a strategy known as Social Emotional Learning, has gained popularity after studies concluded that emotional skills are crucial to academic performance.  Jennifer Kahn, teacher at the University of California, writes that SEL has gained traction in recent years, not only in relation to academics, but in part by concerns over school violence, bullying and teen suicide.  The goal of SEL is to give students the tools to help them regulate their emotions.  By being aware of our emotional state and our reactions to stress, we can better manage stress and maintain good health.

Overnight camps have been teaching emotional intelligence forever.  Camps may not have a formal program put in place, but they naturally provide an environment that allows campers to develop their social and emotional skills.  Living side by side allows campers and staff to constantly learn from one another and improve their abilities of self-awareness, self-management, persistence, empathy and social skills.  In addition to the wonderful activities campers participate in, camp also provides children with a natural setting to learn about themselves, understand different personalities, and resolve conflicts.  Trained camp staff act as role models by validating feelings and helping campers explore options in response to those feelings.  Counselors teach conflict resolution with a cooperative approach to problem.  Camp is a learning environment that encourages motivation by teaching and developing skills to improve and achieve.  Camp provides teachable moments in empathy, and encourages friendships and connections to one another.  Camp teaches children to use their strengths and supports their challenges by encouraging participation in a variety of activities.  Campers take these skills home with them and apply them to a school setting to have greater success throughout the school year. And if the findings are true, that better emotional intelligence is a great predictor of success, quality of relationships and overall happiness, campers are headed for a great life!

Happy School Year to Everyone.

School is back in session.  School supplies have been purchased, students and teachers have been introduced, and reuniting with school friends has joyfully taken place.  A new school year is an exciting time of a year.  It’s a time of new beginnings and expectations.  Back to school is a time to “change it up” from the laid back last few weeks of summer and return to a more structured schedule.  It may not be the new calendar year, but September is a great time to start fresh.  Author Gretchen Rubin (“The Happiness Project”) calls September the new January.  Rubin says “Back to school is a time of self-evaluation and reflection.  January is the official start of the new year, and I always get a burst of renewed zeal at that time, but September also gives the same feeling of an empty calendar and a clean slate.  The air seems charged with possibility and renewal”.

Saying farewell to summer and the wonderful camp memories made is never easy, but the new school year gives us all something to look forward to.  A fresh start feels good, and can motivate us to make positive changes and focus on all that we hope for in the new academic year.  It’s a time to refocus and pursue new school activities as well as outside interests. 

So what are your goals for the new school year? What do you want to do differently? What challenges are you ready to take on?  Your goal may be as simple as organizing your backpack every night so you are not as rushed in the morning getting off to school, or doing homework before you head out to extracurricular activities.  You may choose to pursue a class or club that you have never tried before, or try out for a school sport.  No matter what your goal is it is always helpful to make it specific. Instead of saying “I will read more”, say “I will read for 30 minutes every night”.  Once you have thought up a specific goal, write it down.  Seeing it in writing will make it more real.  And of course, reward yourself for your hard work along the way.    

So whatever you choose to focus on this new school year, we hope you are off to a great start.  Happy School Year to everyone!

The Good Times of Summer 2013

It’s hard to believe that summer 2013 has ended and we had to say “so long” to our incredible campers and amazing staff that made this camp season so memorable.  By now everyone is back to their home routines and hopefully enjoying the remainder of the summer time.  As exciting as it is to get back to loved ones at home, we know you miss your camp family and your summer home at Iroquois Springs.  Luckily the conveniences of technology keep our camp friends close by, and the wonderful memories of camp live on. 

A definite highlight for us is watching our campers experience all the exciting activities that camp has to offer.  We have seen the power of friendship, teamwork, and community.  Every single day at camp gave us the opportunity to see campers take on personal challenges with determination and confidence.  And when they weren’t learning new skills or taking on new challenges, they were simply enjoying the freedom to play, laugh, and just get silly.   We are sure that each and every one of you has wonderful memories of the summer and even some special “you had to be there” moments that make you smile every time you think of them.  Here are some of the summer highlights that we will always remember…

Opening Campfire

Staff Talent Show

July 4^th Fireworks Show

DJ Yahney Party

Dorney Park Trip

Castle Trip

Annie at the IS Playhouse

Tribals

Project Morry Swim-A-Thon

Crazy Hat Day

Carnival

Hypnotist Brad Henderson

Mock Rock

Order of the Blue and Gold

Senior Trip to Washington DC

Mountain Creek

Burning of the Year

We hope you enjoyed these summer memories as much as we did.  Thank you for being a part of the Iroquois Springs experience and making summer 2013 so amazing.  We will miss you all and can’t wait to see you at the reunion, and of course back in Rock Hill for Summer 2014!  Enjoy the start of the school year and remember to stay in touch!!!  Stay tuned for new blogs in September.